Boogie In Your Butt (nsfw)

i originally published this blog a little over 10 years ago. 10 years ago I had my first colonoscopy. This morning I had my second. A few things have changed in 10 years. First I learned from my mistake 10 years ago in that you shouldn't walk out of the hospital and go directly to the hall cart. Lying to the nurse's 10 years ago and telling them my wife was waiting for me outside and then inhaling a chicken and rice was a big mistake. 10 years ago I got on the subway and only made it one stop before all hell broke loose. Today I went home and had my daughter make me some eggs. Also, she actually met me in the hospital so I didn't go home alone. today I had my procedure at one of the many branches of NYU Langone Hospital. I went there because they have 99% of my medical records because they're the hospital I spent most of my time in recovering from Guillain-Barré syndrome.

10 years ago I had the procedure at Mount Sinai Hospital. The Beth Israel branch on 2nd Avenue and 17th Street. They told me to walk in the emergency room entrance.I didn't know that a few months later I'd be sent there and would walk in the emergency room and be admitted directly into intensive care.

10 years ago it was the first time I underwent any kind of anesthesia. I've lost track of how many times I've been put under since then. Today I knew enough to shave the inside of my armpits so when they put the IV in it wouldn't hurt so much when I took the tape off.

I think I'm still the guy that exists at the edge of the bell curve. Today I wore two bracelets. I've had the blue one on since September when I ran the Berlin Marathon. I'm going to wear it till it falls off or until someone recognizes that that doesn'tKnow me already .The other I took off already. But it says I'm a FALL RISK. I can be both. A marathoner and a trip hazard. I'm also the guy who's taken accessoride to the starting line of an ultramarathon.

Below is everything I wrote in 2014..........

I heard this for the first time in my car.  I was with buddies and we had to pull over we were laughing so hard.

That was a while ago.  Things just got real.

Since I just turned 50 I am supposed to have a colonoscopy.  I subjected myself to this because it is a lot better than dying of Colon Cancer.  The colonoscopy itself was not so bad.  Basically you lay down with your butt sticking out of a gown in a very crowded little room.  You get a shot and wake up somewhere else an hour later.  A nice nurse brought me a cup of orange juice.  Twenty minutes later I walked out the side door of the hospital and directly to the Halal guy for a chicken and rice.  If it were above average I would have eaten another one.  Then I meandered back to the subway for a ride home.

Here are some photos  I left them small to protect your eyes.

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Then I had to sign the bottom of a form so that the medical staff know I read this.

Because air was put into your colon during the procedure, expelling large amounts of air from your rectum is normal.

I could have used a note for the subway ride home.

Oh, the procedure itself was a piece of cake compared to the prep.  No solid food for an entire day. (No, melted ice cream is not solid food, I asked).  In the afternoon, I went for a walk and kept tripping over myself to not go into every pizza place.

Then I had to drink The Gallon of Stuff. People told me it tasted horrible, but I did not think it was so bad, then again, I am used to drinking Gatorade.

Now I know where the expression Holy Shit comes from.  It was kinda weird to have exploding diarrhea and not be sick.

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