Ambivalence

That's one of those big words I never really used. I took the SAT twice in the GRE once so I learned all these words but I always use them. I usually say mixed feelings. Like I've always had mixed feelings about Mayor Bloomberg. I like a lot of the things he did but I didn't like the way he did them. I was ambivalent about whether or not I like him as a Mayor. Whatever...

I had a lot more time to think about my feelings when I was hospitalized. When I was in the hospital and especially in rehab I spent a lot of time with people who are old enough to be my grandparents.

I had a lot of time to think of David, Rose, Sam and Yetta (alphabetically). On one hand, I really wish they were around to give me a hug.  On the other hand, I'm really glad we didn't have to see me the way I was. I guess that's ambivalence.

Today I had another ambivalent moment.  I took delivery of a new motorized wheelchair. Fancy. So, on one hand I'm really happy that I don't have to rely on other people to get around the house or the neighborhood.  I'm really happy I don't have to feel like a Roomba, see video below. If I am going to be banged into a wall I'd really love to do it myself..

On the other hand, I'm the guy the for profit insurance companies thinks can have a power wheelchair.

Very happy and very unhappy at the same time.