For just over a minute I was a hot mess

On the first Monday in every November my running club gets together and we mostly talked about the New York City Marathon. Being in that room it inspired me to spontaneously blurt out that I intended to qualify for Boston as a mobility impaired athlete. A couple of weeks ago I watched the movie Brittany Runs a Marathon I decided I needed to run the New York City Marathon this year. Last week I attended the Road Runners Club annual party where they give out Awards and decided I wanted to go back being the person I was before GBS. I'm going to run the New York City marathon every year until I can't

And I've been going a new Physical Therapy lately. With the super long-term goal of qualifying for Boston, running a sub - 6 hour marathon, I've been going to the sports performance center at New York University. For years I did my physical therapy at Rusk and they got me from Quadrophenia to being able to walk 33 miles in a day. but the Sports Performance Center is going to get me to run again. I'm using an alter-g machine and I'm being treated like an athlete. This summer I'm going to get ankle-foot Orthotics they're going to keep me from tripping over my own toes when I run.

Most of the time Physical Therapy goals are short-term or at least have a date. My therapist understands my goal of a 5:59 Marathon is as of yet Beyond the Horizon. but that's what I'm trading for.

I have been training at sub marathon pace on an alter-g treadmill at 60% of body weight. And then on my own I've been running on the track at the Park Slope Armory at a slower pace about to a half a mile at a time. Running.

On Saturday I join my friend Larry for the weekly Achilles workout in Central Park. we usually walk a couple of Loops of the reservoir. we got there early and walked one before everyone else got there but then I told him I wanted to run. Run.  Running. Because I'm going to run New York this fall. When I did it two years ago it was a run walk and then mostly a walk. then when I did the Brooklyn marathon I just walked. And when I walked around Manhattan I walked. But this fall I'm going to run the New York City marathon. I won't break 6 hours but it will be training for the marathon where I will break 6 hours

4 years ago when I was still using crutches to walk around the neighborhood I ran a 1 mile race on a track. That didn't kill me. So why shouldn't I be able to run on a 1.6 mile Loop today Honestly oh, I was a little worried because I was just about to attempt to run three times further than I had run within the past 4 years. Whatever. I could have stopped and walked if I had to. But I didn't. I ran. and when I finished I honestly felt better then when I finished the three marathons I finished since GBS. Because I ran

Then Larry said he wanted to run some more miles. But he walked me down to where everyone was hanging out. I needed to catch my breath. the bench where I wanted to set was covered with everyone's coats. all the people I knew we're talking to people so I didn't want to interrupt anyone to just qwell about my recent accomplishment so I hung out. I was using my hat to wipe the sweat off my face when the volunteer standing next to me notice that. she was shivering, after all it was 40°. she looked at me and smiled and said that she was cold. I look back and said,” yeah, I'm overheating now because I just ran.”

Then something a little crazy happened. I don't know if it was an anxiety attack or some sort of epiphany. I said those two words out loud. I ran. I had to tell people I know. But the people I knew were busy. So I went to the other side of Engineers gate and took out my phone. it looks a little crazy. But I was a little crazy. 

Okay, I got a back up a little. I recently participated in a sleep study. Yeah, I also have sleep apnea. I spent the night in a hospital covered with all sorts of sensors and then the second half of the night they put a mask over my face to see how my breathing got better. In the morning the technician said I “tolerated the test very well”. I told him that I had spent a week in intensive care and then 135 days in the hospital. This test was easy because I knew I was going home in the morning. Nothing can hurt me. Nothing bothers me. I think I kind of scared him a little but he told me it was a very good attitude to have.

Yeah, I got really sick. I got better. I fell down. I got up. Nothing bothered me I'm really not afraid of anything

Until I made this crazy Facebook video I was afraid of one thing. I was afraid that if I started crying I would never stop. I feel much better now. I'm not afraid anymore that crying can become a permanent condition.