Saturday, January 18, 2014

Boogie In Your Butt (nsfw)




I heard this for the first time in my car.  I was with buddies and we had to pull over we were laughing so hard.

That was a while ago.  Things just got real.

Since I just turned 50 I am supposed to have a colonoscopy.  I subjected myself to this because it is a lot better than dying of Colon Cancer.  The colonoscopy itself was not so bad.  Basically you lay down with your butt sticking out of a gown in a very crowded little room.  You get a shot and wake up somewhere else an hour later.  A nice nurse brought me a cup of orange juice.  Twenty minutes later I walked out the side door of the hospital and directly to the Halal guy for a chicken and rice.  If it were above average I would have eaten another one.  Then I meandered back to the subway for a ride home.

Here are some photos  I left them small to protect your eyes.

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Then I had to sign the bottom of a form so that the medical staff know I read this.

Because air was put into your colon during the procedure, expelling large amounts of air from your rectum is normal.

I could have used a note for the subway ride home.

Oh, the procedure itself was a piece of cake compared to the prep.  No solid food for an entire day. (No, melted ice cream is not solid food, I asked).  In the afternoon, I went for a walk and kept tripping over myself to not go into every pizza place.

Then I had to drink The Gallon of Stuff. People told me it tasted horrible, but I did not think it was so bad, then again, I am used to drinking Gatorade.

Now I know where the expression Holy Shit comes from.  It was kinda weird to have exploding diarrhea and not be sick.

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3 comments:

  1. I'm posting a comment but not likely to check back for your response: there are better colonoscopy preps than drinking a gallon of the bad stuff, which is the old fashioned way. There's Miralax that's half the amount, and there's also Dulcolax and 2 small bottles of another liquid (magnesium citrate). Ask for alternative preps that are less burdensome and you shall receive. You can thank me when you have your next colonoscopy, or at the PTA 5k :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There will probably be something better in 10 years when I have to get another test.

      and I will miss this years PTA race:(

      Delete
  2. I came back. Glad there were no polyps or other issues found so that you won't need another test for that long. But spread the word if you know others--there are better and easier colon preps that work just as effectively but without having to drink a gallon. These aren't alternative or homeopathic or anything funky--just more modern ways (think Cipro v penicillin) at the same cost.

    Hopefully the PTA run will work as effectively in your absence.

    ReplyDelete

You do not have to be nice!

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