Not a micro aggressive moment of ableism and my favorite marathon

 

 A photograph of me sitting
in a folding chair after running 31
mi in about 13 hours

A couple of days ago I finished my 44th race of marathon distance for greater..... The Prospect Park Track Club Endurance Fest 50 km / 31 mi. 

It's kind of wonderful to say this out loud but I don't think it got tough until I hit mile 28. The race started at 6:00 a.m. and the sun didn't rise till about 6:30. As you can see from the photo to the left, when I finished it was dark It took me 13 hours so it was 7:00 p.m. I wasn't just physically exhausted I was a little bit confused because I started before it got light and it had gotten dark again And I was still doing the same thing. I also hadn't eaten much...I've been outside since 5:00 a.m. and it was getting dark and I hadn't even had breakfast. I was literally glad that it was the last loop of Prospect Park. I just focused on that for the last hour of running. Because I know I'd be finishing my 44th marathon. 

The moment I finished I was offered a chair. I think I responded with a barely audible "Fuck Yeah". Stopping turning figuring out how to sit we're all very awkward and as I was wobbling towards the chair one of the race directors took my elbow and balanced me. I didn't ask for help and I've gotten used to people grabbing me when I didn't want help. I kind of appreciate it, but I didn't need it and I moved on. I've known that race director for years and he was a kind of person doing a kind thing. But if someone who acquired their disability 11 years ago being touched without permission is something I've learned to live with. People mean well. But sometimes I'm fine. ( i'm never going to get used to the people who jump in front of me to hold the door open and at the same time stand in the doorway, but that's a different thing)

while I was sitting in that folding chair and trying to figure out what it's like to not be running i saw the most wonderful thing. One of the 50 mile racers was about to finish their race. He crossed the finish line right at my toes. They didn't have any apparent disabilities and were asked if they wanted a chair. At the top of their lungs they screamed "FUCK YEAH". A folding chair was popped open and that same director took his elbow and helped him sit down. 

I wasn't offered help because I had an apparent disability. I was offered help because I had just finished an ultra marathon. I figured that out in slow motion during the next 13 hours where I wasn't running forward. 

>>>>>>>>>

After you run a lot of marathons people ask you which one was your favorite. It's really hard to compare them to to each other. There's the noisy big city races, the calm rural races, the sub 4 race, the destination races, the first marathon, the first marathon after having kids, the first marathon you have to coming back from a disability, or the most recent  marathon.  But something special did happen in this marathon.

When my kids were little I remember sitting at the starting area of the New York City marathon talking to one of my teammates who was a bit older than me. He told me that his son was training for next year's race. I told him he was living my dream I hope that one day I'd run the New York City marathon with my kids. He corrected me. He pointed out that when my kids are old enough to run a marathon they'll be terribly faster than me; We won't run it together. 

In Sunday's race I had set up a sign up sheet for people to take turns guiding me. I couldn't have done this alone and I couldn't ask someone to be out there for 13 hours. People took turns of walking alongside of me for an hour or two. Calling each other to figure out what part of prospect park I'd be in and seeing if I needed something from the outside world. Both my kids and their partners signed up for a shift. They didn't just help me they got to witness how hard it was to run as far as I did. They also witnessed the praise I got from fellow runners recognizing my achievement.

>>>>>

 A photograph of me after
finishing the New York City marathon
in 2000 holding my 6-month-old twins

when I was in the hospital I was randomly visited by a shrink. We talked about how long my recovery would be and the possibility of it not being complete. We talked about what was important to me. We talked about the fact that what was very important to me was being a role model for my kids. It occurred to me back then, 11 and 1/2 years ago that I had to show them that sometimes you have to crawl out of a really deep hole. 

I think I did that Sunday.